Homeland Security

Posted originally at Ross Diggity

If any of you have any concerns about the security of our border, they will all be alleviated after reading this article.

Here's a little excerpt and a terrific pic:

"On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres. Then they let him into the United States. "

Good thing they took the weapons away before letting him in. It's seems unlikely he could obtain any of those item (hatchet, knife, chain saw) in the States. I feel bad he lost his homemade sword though. Probably put some time into constructing it.

Maybe carrying dangerous weapons covered in blood does not warrant detainment, but having that crazy look in your eyes should.

Arts & Entertainment & Dead Beat Motorcycle Wreckers

If you read my post on Evel Knievel Days, you'll know that I have a real affinity towards Evel. I even suggested a national holiday in his name. Now something even better; an A&E reality show starring his less famous, less likeable, and equally talentless son, Captain Robby Knievel. I say talentless, because anyone can wreck a motorcycle.

I just heard about a guy who bought a Harley, and without ever riding one before, decided to take off to Sturgis. Unfortunately it takes more than being able to afford a Harley to actually drive it. He wrecked and killed himself on the way. My point being, anyone can wreck a motorcycle. I guess the trick it to stay alive while breaking as may bones as possible. If that in itself is a talent, I stand corrected, the Knievels are amazingly talented.

The "Captain"

Aside from jumping things with his motorcycle, Robbie must have valiantly served in the military or as a police officer. After all, he calls himself captain. Thinking about it, I don't think he was in the military or police force. Maybe he is a captain of industry or commanded his own pirate ship. I can imagine it now, "arrggg maties, I'm going to jump the mast with me motorcycle." I know it may be unthinkable, but maybe he isn't a captain of anything and the title is simply self-proclaimed.

I just want to know what happened to the "Arts and Entertainment" channel. Their lineup includes reality shows starring Dog the Bounty Hunter and John Gotti's daughter, as well as the above mentioned Captain Knievel. Just an all around group of fine upstanding folks who really add to my knowledge and appreciation of art. Now A&E has nothing to do with art and is marginally entertaining. I'd like to say I miss the good old days on A&E, but I never watched it. Too boring. I want people crashing motorcycles.

In the end, we Montanan's should support one of our own, even if it is someone from Butte. After all my Dad is from Butte, and my uncle and Evel went to grade school together, and might have been considered, "boys".

http://www.aetv.com/knievel/

Update

Since I haven't written in so long, I think I should give a quick update of what I've been up to. Frankly, it hasn't been the best of months. Which is why I haven't been blogging. I like to bring brightness and sunshine to the world. Anyway here goes:

Jen and I are currently in Helena. We've been here since November, but don't know if I've mentioned that yet. This is a good thing in case you missed earlier postings about living with my mom.

I'm currently doing contract IT work for the school district. I'm not going to go into it, fearing repercussions.

I had to have surgery on my tailbone in January. Not life threatening by any means, but extremely painful and slow to recover. Doesn't look like I'll be running the Governor's Cup marathon this year. But I never had any intentions to run a marathon anyways.

And finally the sad news. Our dog Shadow passed away a few weeks ago. He was only 6 but had developed cancer. He was diagnosed last summer with Lymphoma so we put him on a chemotherapy protocol. He was out of remission for about four months, but the cancer came back a few weeks ago with no hopes of another remission. In a matter of one week he was completely saturated with the disease.

He was the smartest and most well behaved dog I've ever owned and probably will ever own. His time with us was too short, but we spoiled him and gave him a good life. While we were in going to school both Jen and I worked at a steak house and Jen also waitressed at a Prime Rib joint. Needless to say, the dog probably ate more Porterhouse T-bones and Prime Rib than most people. He was a great hiking partner and will be missed on the trails this summer.

Shadow and squeaky ball

Why I haven't been Blogging

It appears that a number of bloggers around the country have been fired for venting online about their place of employment. I haven't blogged in over a month because clearly there are repercussions. Okay, it is ridiculous to fire someone over a blog post that doesn't even mention the company by name, but I find it funny that there are people who think they can write whatever they want and believe only those invited will read it.

I've seen enough blog posts trashing work, family, and friends. With the increased popularity of blogging and one gossipy friend, the people around you will find your blog. It's called an Internet connection and Google. All I'm saying is that I don't feel to bad for people who get nailed shit talking. Unless you password protect it, your blog is public domain. Not your personal diary that you hide under your bed. Unless you are like me and hide dead hookers under your bed. Then there is no room for a diary.

With that being said, have I mentioned how much I hate my family, friends, and job.

Silver Lining

First off, I'm sick and I had to sit through the much anticipated Orange Bowl, as USC threw Oklahoma a beating. I'm not a big fan of either team, but I was looking forward to what should have been a great game. Wrong. Watching USC outclass and outplay Oklahoma in the worst drubbing in a championship game that I can remember only added to my throbbing headache. Thank god for Ashlee Simpson.

Unfortunately, Ashlee decided to actually sing and it was bad news. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Then the crowd booed her and the healing began. Thankfully, people still know a fraud when they see it. I can't understand how talentless manufactured "artists" like Simpson (both sisters), Paris Hilton and Lyndsey Lohan get big time record contracts, publicity and appearances while far more talented individuals are stuck playing for drinks in a dirty bar. I hope the rest of America takes note and we boo everyone who doesn't have the talent to make music. Then maybe the record companies and MTV will stop letting thirteen year old girls dictate what they produce.

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Happy New Year from Shadow

Blogger Beef

I've thought of a surefire way to attract people to my blog. It's based on the practice implemented by hip hop artists to sell records. They simply start a beef with another rapper, ala Biggie and Tupac or LL Cool J and Big Daddy Kane. I'm just not sure how to go about it. Should I start visiting random blogs and talk shit or should I prearrange it with another blogger who is also interested in some notoriety? I don't feel comfortable attacking a stranger so it would have to be arranged. If anyone is interested in starting a blogger feud let me know. Then I'll notify my crew and you notify your crew. Once word gets out, we'll get our feud on.

Why I Quit Eating Fast Food

Fast food chain Hardees apparently isn't making any attempt to conceal their food as healthy as other fast food chains have done (i.e. McDonalds salads). Their newest creation, the Monster burger, is a revised edition of a previous Hardees sandwich. And when they say Monster, they mean it. In case you don't read the article, here is a list of the ingredients.

• two 1/3-pound slabs of all-Angus beef
• four strips of bacon
• three slices of cheese
• mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun

Mmmmm

Sounds really good, right? I thought so too. A few years back, I tried the original Monster burger. Basically the same, except the beef patties were only 1/4 pound slabs. Anyway, I eat this massive things and it tasted great. The problem was, I felt like I had a 10 pound ball of grease resting in my stomach. I waited a half an hour, hoping my stomach could digest the Monster, but no luck. It was there to stay. I knew I had to get this thing worked off, so I headed to the gym (bad idea).

After about five minutes on the treadmill, I realized that all the blood and energy in my body were devoted to destroying the massive fatty substance and didn’t have time for a jog. The attempt at exercising angered something inside of me. My digestive system had fought the good fight, but was powerless. It had decided to send the Monster burger back from whence it came.

I only lived a block away, so I ran home to avoid hurling on the treadmill. Once I hit the grass on my lawn, it was on. I typically have an iron gut and aside from a case of food poisoning and the flu, I never get rattled by food. The Monster burger is no ordinary food product and I spewed meat, cheese, bacon, and mayo all over the yard. Surprisingly, I felt great. Usually after I get sick, I'm in terrible shape. I was glad to have rejected the Monster.

I'm not trying to hurt Hardees' business, after all the sandwich tasted great. Just a word of warning for those of you thinking about attacking the monster burger. It will attack back.